i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
