I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
