Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
