does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you traded sex for a burrito?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
