cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
