I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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