Define "chronic" masturbator.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
