You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
