just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
