I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
