I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
