Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
