We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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