Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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