Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
