wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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