proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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