Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I look better un-naked...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
