Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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