so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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