I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
