Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
