Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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