I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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