Already got asked if we're dating
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
