Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize