if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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