i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
