Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
