you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
