chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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