I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Barsexuality is the new black.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Randomize
