I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
