I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
