woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
