I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I would fuck him just for his dog
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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