at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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