just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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