It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
