we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
