I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Randomize
