Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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