If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize