were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
