I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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