Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
