That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
