When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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