You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
