So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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