I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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