Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
