So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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