Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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