Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
