WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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