do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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