Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
