The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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