Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize