Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
