god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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