Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
